I have fucked a lot of women here in Ukraine. Lots and lots. Much more than in all of Latin America combined. On some weeks, I went on a new date every single day, on some days, I even had multiple dates. As a result of so much practice, I learned to quickly figure out which women were worth pursuing and which weren’t. That enabled me to save time by rejecting women in the first few minutes of meeting them.
I easily built a rotation of women where I had anywhere from 3-4 women coming to my house during various days of the week for some quality R&R. Many of them even cooked for me and brought their wine. The reason it usually topped at four women was that having more per week was unsustainable; I still reserved other days for dates with new prospects and, of course, the mandatory work nights since I'm the most productive when the sun goes down.
Many of these women ranged from downright gorgeous to average, to everywhere in between. A noticeable amount of them was of such high caliber that I simply couldn’t fathom having a shot at them had I met them in a place like NYC or London where the competition would be so much fiercer, but I digress.
Most of the women were fine trading sex for sex, but a few hinted at something more. One of the girls in my rotation wanted me to go with her on a trip to a historical Ukrainian city. Another one hinted about driving up to Belarus. Yet, another one invited me to Hungary for a few days.
For the most part, I declined, preferring to use them for sex only, but a few times I took various trips with select women to various places.
Out of all the women that I slept with, I can count on only one hand with how many of those women I tried to build something more serious. All of those relationships failed, some spectacularly more than others, but failed miserably.
One of the girls was sexy and attractive, but also very demanding with a feeling of entitlement. It took a couple of years of constant breaking up and getting back together to realize that the person I’m dealing with is seriously toxic and nothing good could ever come out of that relationship. Another girl was slightly better, but the result was the same. No matter how much I tried to make things work between us (silly me), she refused to fully submit to me and instead preferred to do things her own way, annoying me in the process. The other attempts were no better, and I quickly ghosted these women after few months after realizing that I’m just wasting my time.
Having casual sex with women with no strings attached is easy, building relationships and living with women is much, much harder. (In fact, having lived with several women for few years, I only recommend doing so when you’re 100% into the girl and vice versa, not because of guaranteed sex and things like that. In many cases, living with a woman limits a man and puts him at a steep disadvantage.)
And it’s when you try to build a relationship with a woman that the words “quality” and “woman” form an important part of your vocabulary and thought process. In fact, for the past several months, I’ve been spending lots of time obsessing over what a quality woman truly is.
The quality woman
In 2011, I met my future serious girlfriend in a bar in Copenhagen. She was 21 and I was 31. A year later, we moved in together and ended up living for about 2-3 years both in Denmark and Lithuania (her native country). She was the kind of girl that I felt absolutely comfortable with. One of the hallmarks of our relationship is when I came back home and felt that all my worries immediately disappear. It was all thanks to her “nurturing” personality.
She was also one of the few girls in my life that I truly loved, even unconditionally and trusted her 100%, something I can’t say was even remotely the case with the women I’ve been seeing recently.
(In retrospect, I probably should've married her.)
At that time, I didn’t even know she was a “quality woman.” She was simply someone with whom I enjoyed spending time with and didn’t hesitate to do nice things for. There was not a single red flag ever. The reason I didn’t attach that label to her was that I didn’t date anyone else and, so, didn’t have much of a point of reference. I just happened to be with someone whom I enjoyed spending time with.
In Ukraine, all of that changed. I began dating and sleeping with so many women that I couldn’t help but to obsess about the characteristics of what makes a woman quality simply because the women I was dating lacked those qualities in one way or another.
Every single woman I dated had a particular flaw that made her a bad fit for a relationship. It was almost like every single one was perfect for random sex but completely unsuitable for an exclusive relationship in a traditional patriarchal sense. Everything that made them fun to be around and enjoy made them poor options when it came to operating as a unit and things like pair bonding.
But, yet, even with all of those hints, I still couldn’t pinpoint what exactly makes for a quality woman. What did this “quality woman” have that the women I was dating didn’t?
A trip to Western Ukraine
It wasn’t until I took a train from the capital, Kyiv, to Western Ukraine that I got my first hint of a quality Ukrainian woman. My girl and I were sharing a sleeping cabin with another young couple, probably in their 20s or early 30s. The guy was your regular guy, but the girl was different. Something was different about her from pretty much all the other girls I dated.
First, she was calm and relaxed. She didn’t exhibit the behavior of someone who was seeking attention. She was also not wearing any makeup and her nails weren’t painted. Second, she was reading a book, something that I didn’t notice any of the girls I had been dating ever do. There was also a way that she looked at her boyfriend or husband, with a certain admiration and respect in her eyes, instead of validation or hunger for attention that was much more common of the women I've dated.
In fact, the entire time, she may have looked at me only once, preferring to calmly read her book or look fondly at her man.
Although I didn’t know her personally, this seemed like a girl who was emotionally stable and predictable. Later, I noticed a ring on her finger proving that she was indeed married to her man.
After spending a week exploring Western Ukraine, we boarded a train back to Kyiv. And, as fate would have it, we were sitting next to another couple, a young German couple this time. Once again, the girl was quiet, respectful, relaxed, and looking at her man in a respectful and loving way. Seeing another "quality" girl on our way back must've been a sign that I need to be more choosy of my women.
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but both of these women just shouted “quality” and not “attention whore.” Physically speaking, they weren’t as attractive as the majority of the girls I’ve been dating in Kyiv (or even as attractive as the girl I was with), but they both had this “nurturing” personality traits that immediately wanted me to turn these women into mothers of my future children. My first reaction wasn’t to have wild sex with them but to actually build a quality relationship and create some children in the process.
The quality wife
When modern men say that they can’t find a quality wife, my response is that they’re looking in all the wrong places. I have seen many of these quality wives in Western Ukraine. One of the biggest differences in Western Ukraine as compared to Kyiv was the number of families that I’ve seen around walking and about the city. Many of these parents were very young. I would see a young couple enter a restaurant, probably in their early 30s, and then be followed by a couple of children who were maybe 5-7 years old. Often times, I would notice a single woman shopping and think to myself that she seems like a nice woman to build a family with only to see her joined by her husband and one or two kids a few minutes later.
Apparently, I wasn't the only one who realized that.
During the day we visited the water parks with hot thermal baths that are supposed to be good and rejuvenating for you. It was mostly filled with older couples and families, but there were young couples as well. And, once again, the women followed their men around loyally, helped them out, stood next to them and longly waited for them to return whenever they temporarily walked off to do something outside.
I will say that the women I’ve seen that these men were with weren’t nearly as hot or gorgeous as the women that I’ve dated in Kyiv, but, man, did they seem loyal to their men. If you ask me, I would rather be with a loyal woman who’s a 7 or 8 (on a 1-10 scale) than some 9 or 10 that will cheat on me at the drop of a hat. It’s all about priorities.
After all, like the old adage goes: there are two kinds of women, those you fuck and those you marry. Often times, the two types differ quite dramatically.
She’s either a slut or she isn’t
One of my friends used to say that a girl is either a slut or she isn’t. For a long time, I couldn’t quite agree with this and thought that things aren’t exactly as black and white and that there’s some middle ground, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized the trueness of this statement. Indeed, a girl is either a slut or she isn’t.
One of the hallmarks of a slut is that she’s a woman you just want to fuck right then and there. You get a raging hardon just by looking at her. You want to tear off her clothes and own her soul right there. You imagine how great she'll be in bed. Typically, it's because she has an instant sexual vibe and emits this sexual energy that draws in preselected men who’ve already fucked a good share of sluts. On the other hand, a girl who’s wholesome, nice and nurturing doesn’t emit this sexual energy and, is thus, much less likely to cheat and is more suitable for a more serious and committed relationship.
Not all women are sluts, just like not all men are alpha males who use women for sex and discard them. As my other friend likes to say, “There are levels to this shit.” Of course, there’s this notion that every girl would fuck an alpha male like Leonardo DiCaprio if she had a chance, but where the fuck would my future wife from some small Ukrainian village find a Leonardo to fuck, especially if she’s super nurturing and doesn’t give off a strong sexual vibe?
Yes, there are levels to this shit. Not all women are the same. Not all women are sluts. Not all women are forever playing in the sexual marketplace because their vagina tingles at the sight of the ever-so-better alpha male. Some women are actually from semi-decent families with semi-decent father figures who've actually spent time with their daughters and taught them a thing or two about men. They don’t have problems experiencing more genuine love (whatever that means) instead of validation and attention whoring.
Yesterday, I met up with a good friend for a game of billiards. Much like I am, he’s player and a tinder addict who’s constantly juggling several women at once. I haven’t seen him for a week or two and had already lost track of the women he’s dating. (He surprised me by admitting to me that he’s been seeing a nice girl for more than a week.)
We began talking about women. And, then, all of a sudden it hit me. The reason we can’t figure out who’s a quality girl and who isn’t is that every girl I've dated and he has dated is a slut. Every single one of them. Every single girl that I’ve dated in Ukraine was a slut. All of them. The overwhelming majority of the women he dated were sluts. The problem is that we’re looking in all the wrong places and the quality women like the two women I’ve seen on the trains just aren’t accessible to us.
Many of these quality women are snapped up young. It’s not uncommon for men to marry women in their early 20s. At that age, she would typically have zero to little sexual experience. At that age, she’s still lively and vibrant and, unlike, a 30+-year-old woman, she isn’t jaded with multiple failures and endless pump-and-dump relationships.
On the other hand, the women I’m dating are in their late 20s or early 30s and are still riding the cock carousel for one reason or another. They’re nowhere near relationship-ready or even relationship material. They’re out and about, showcasing themselves on the sexual marketplace, having casual sex and enjoying life. For many of these women, the very last thing they need is a relationship. In fact, for many of them, the concept of a relationship is a foreign concept all in itself.
That’s why when you meet a 30+-year-old woman in Ukraine who’s still single, instant alarm bells should go off. Especially if she's over 33+ or 35+. Especially if she’s cute and feminine, there’s probably a good reason why an entire brigade of guys decided to pass her over and not put a ring on her finger. And, no, it’s not just you who thinks there’s something that just ain't right with her.
A quality woman sees a man as a safe harbor, a cement wall who will give her peace and stability, as a necessary element of her life, and also as someone to build a family with. A low-quality woman will see a man for what he can provide: money, resources, attention, sex, etc. The former views the man as a whole, as an important asset and commodity; the latter view him as a bunch of compartments that she can leverage for her own gain.
A quality woman submits to her man and views him as an integral part of her life. A low-quality woman pretends to submit to a man in an effort to extract a particular favor. She never views a man as an integral part of her life.
And, so, to find a quality woman: you have to essentially filter out the women that emit a very strong sexual vibe. Instead, these quality women will be the women who won’t give you an instant erection, women who won’t raise your sexual market value in the eyes of other women and women with whom sex won’t be nearly as exciting. In other words, you must seek the plain women who are even boring in many ways. This is exactly the woman you want for a relationship.
The good news is that there are plenty of them in countries like Ukraine—if only I could take my own advice and begin looking in the right places.
If you enjoyed this article, check out these articles about Ukrainian dating and culture: